BobThePizzaBoy's revival is here.

Hello?

Is anyone there?

Well, it's been 2 years, 4 months, 10 days since I last posted a blog post. A lot has happened since then, I finished high school, two whole school years have gone by, my life has changed for better and for worse in spots. I thought about this blog every now and then over the years, thinking I could revive it even if I had no one reading, but never really thought about it. Due to events over the last few months, I've come to the realization that maybe blogging might be a good way to relieve some of the excessive stress in my life. I should probably explain how we got back here in the first place.

The North Dorms, my living grounds from August 2010 to May 2011. I miss this place...

In August 2010, I finally began my college experience, ready to finally take the steps to make my dreams come true. For my first year of college, I attended La Salle University. You might have heard of it, you might have not, but it's a Catholic college in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. It's not the best school out there but it's pretty damn good. It took me a long time to really transition to the college lifestyle but by the end of my spring semester I had grown to enjoy Philadelphia and La Salle despite their faults. But like all things in life, it was too good to last. Things got bad once I came back to New York (A/N: As it turns out this article was written almost a year to the day I left La Salle). I struggled to find employment outside working at a wonderful organization called Select Human Services. Anybody who at least even considered hiring me was either certifiably insane or out to scam me. I couldn't wait to get back to La Salle, but things took a turn for the worse. My requests to contact La Salle's financial aid department no matter what we attempted to do fell on dead ears, meaning there was no way I could have gone back for the 2011-2012 academic year. In a huge rush, I had no other option but to apply at the only local college that would allow applications so late - a community college I'm not going to name. Since there were no dorms, I had no option but to stay at home, so it was like a never-ending college break.

I don't want to talk about my home life in too much detail as I know there is the chance relatives might be reading this blog but I'll just say, living at home as a college student is one of the worst things you can go through and has added to the miserable experience my life has been over the last year. Privacy is non-existent, I'm questioned every time I leave the house, I struggle to have the same freedom I had in Philadelphia. The college I am currently finishing attending is certainly not a good school either. The students and professors who care about school really do care, but all too many of them really don't. All this makes my life more depressing than it is rewarding. An incident that I won't go into detail on that occurred in November 2011 on Veteran's Day began the gears turning from my life in its current state being "inconvenience" to "pure hatred". It was then I began my on-and-off thoughts about simply giving up. Things only seemed to get worse as every week went by, with only a few things giving me happiness. It's been almost six months since that straw that broke the camel's back and I'm satisfied I made it to the end of the tunnel to get away from this toxic atmosphere but recently there was another incident that turned everything around back into a more frequent, miserable state. It's something that really shouldn't be seen as a huge deal or the end of the world, just wiping an option off the table. But nobody else seems to see it that way, which has led to negativity around me making me as miserable as I've ever been. There have been nights where I wanted to pack up all my things and go stay at a hotel for a few days or post a Facebook status asking anyone if they have a spare bedroom in their house they'd be willing to let me crash for a few days. I just hate the circumstances I'm in so much.

I posted on the Muppet Central forums about the possibility that I would not be posting as often as I used to for a while, I'm guessing so I would have to give myself more time to sit in the dark and cry. A forum member named D.W. McKim, who also runs a blog around here decided to step in and offer his two cents. I mentioned that the Muppets were one of the only things in life right now that brought me happiness. Turned out he could relate very much to what i was going through, even if he was 2x my age. I really hope he doesn't mind if I just post his response to me on here:

A year ago, i was not expected to be here today. I set a date/goal to have everything done by and was fully intent on preparing for that time. But my areas of fandom "got in the way" - one of my fave shows for over 20 years was ending a month afterward and i not only wanted to see how it ended (especially since it was already at a high point and not going down quietly) but also because i had been heavily involved with a large movement to keep it going in some form which looked like it may end up being successful and i wanted to see the fruits of that labor.

I did go through a very major breakdown that lasted for several months later where i think my body/brain got so accostomed to the fact that "i shoudn't be here anymore" that i just spent every moment i could get away with in bed. Aside from the unavoidables like going to work, everything else just stopped. It took about three months (and it's still not "over" as i still have relapses) but i pulled myself out - again to do stuff centered around my fandoms.

It's very tough when one realizes that there's very little left that brings them any amount of joy/reason to keep going and harder when the only things that do are things "outside of yourself" - enjoying the creative works of others as opposed to things that are a part of your direct life.

I'm too much of a realist to say "things will get better" because that's in all honesty an empty promise. No one can make that kind of guarantee and i know for a fact in my own life that in the ten years between the times i was very serious about ending everything that things did indeed very definitively not only did NOT get better in those ten years but got worse to the point where my life's become so messed up that i don't see any realistic ways for there to be any happiness/dreams come true.

HOWEVER, keep in mind that that's coming from someone twice your age and i've had enough time to fully grasp the directions adulthood has taken me where you're at an age where there's a myriad of possibilities still ahead that's worth giving a chance. The years between 20 and 30 are the most transformitive ones where things can dramatically change and even though i may be one of those rare types who is an advocate of one's rights to self-deliverence, i also don't feel it should be done without lots of forethought and reflexion and the full conclusion that there's no better option - and that's something i wouldn't reccomend to someone who's not at least approaching their 30's. Heck, *i'm* still here and kicking when in all good reason i really shouldn't be - but there's still some small flicker in the back of mind that i still have something left to accomplish before my time is up and you have to hold onto things like that.

- And in the meantime, hang on to those areas of fandom to keep you going - if you need to unwind with Muppet mayhem at the end of a long week to bring some smiles through the tears, take them! Take joy where you can find it. That's how "one more day" becomes "one more week" becomes "one more month" and so on.

Also, keep in mind there are people who would still like to see you here and i'm one of them.

As someone who anxiously hoped D.W. wouldn't end up going way too soon and accidentally cried wolf when he did disappear from the forums for a short period, reading this made my realize what I had to do.

"As long as there are Muppets, there's still hope." - Walter, The Muppets (2011)

My fandoms are the only things in life that truly bring me happiness right now. The work of Jim Henson, the cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (a show I actually started watching back in January, the only good thing to come out of this period*), going to see a really great movie, watching some great animation from Pixar (except Cars 2 of course) or Warner Brothers, even something that's technically negative like the Nostalgia Critic makes me smile for a couple seconds. D.W. it seems has been able to get a good amount of delight out of reviving his Muppet Freak blog, so I figured maybe it'd be a good idea for, at least while I'm still stuck in the state of life that I am, bring this long-dead blog back from the dead and just focus on the observations of my fandom. Even if no one reads this, it gives me something to do rather than sit alone in my room and sulk. There's no guarantees my life will get better than it is now, even if I have been taking the steps to get my life and freedom back, but it feels right to come back. So after 2 1/2 years of a lack of adventure, the Continuing Adventures of BobThePizzaBoy are back.

Come on, everypony, smile smile smile!

 * - make that two things if you want to count the theatrical release of Disney's wonderful film The Muppets which I saw three times in theaters and already plenty of times on DVD as well as the Jim Henson's Musical World event at Carnegie Hall several weeks ago, but since I was already a Henson fan who would have been all over these things regardless of where I was in life, I wouldn't really count them as anything new in this period.